There will be silence this evening as I spend the first night alone without my old friend. Surely Not passed away this afternoon, peacefully, two week shy of her 18th birthday.
I'll miss her following just a step behind and most times two steps ahead me. I will miss her being always interested in what I'm doing, always willing to give me comfort, never failing to please.
Yesterday she could not get comfortable. She paced back and forth. Even my lap didn’t give her comfort. I decided to lay down with her. As I lay with her, stroking her ears the tears came. Usually when I cry she will lick my face. This time she looked intensely into my eyes as if she knew these tears were for her. She settled down and lay quietly until I stopped.
I thought the hardest part was making the decision. Is it the right one, am I doing the right thing, and then watching her every movement searching frantically for some act of normalcy.
I realize now the hardest part is saying good-bye.
I didn’t leave her alone in a strange place filled with unfamiliar faces. I made sure the last person she saw was the person she gave her unconditional love to. I told her not to wait for me. I told her to go…. To run… To do her bone dance… That I will be okay. Most importantly, I will see on the other side. I know when my time comes she will be the one that will greet me.
I will miss her, my companion – my shadow who had become a part of my space, my life. It feels so empty now.
It is funny how much she had became a part of me and who I have been.
She has always been there; under my chair, under the table and under my feet. She was my little wart with Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Others called her rat face, bat face, grandpa Munster, razor back piglet, alien… but she was just Surely Not.
In James Herriot's book, Dog Stories, there is a story called "The Card over the Bed." It is about an elderly, bedridden lady with five elderly pets. After one passes on, she asked Mr. Herriot if animals have souls and if her animals will go with her. His response, “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. . . And, wherever you are going, they are going too." Over the lady's bed hung a card that read, 'God is near." And, at his side sits His Beardie.
Surely – the truth be told I am glad I didn’t get a cat.
I'll miss her following just a step behind and most times two steps ahead me. I will miss her being always interested in what I'm doing, always willing to give me comfort, never failing to please.
Yesterday she could not get comfortable. She paced back and forth. Even my lap didn’t give her comfort. I decided to lay down with her. As I lay with her, stroking her ears the tears came. Usually when I cry she will lick my face. This time she looked intensely into my eyes as if she knew these tears were for her. She settled down and lay quietly until I stopped.
I thought the hardest part was making the decision. Is it the right one, am I doing the right thing, and then watching her every movement searching frantically for some act of normalcy.
I realize now the hardest part is saying good-bye.
I didn’t leave her alone in a strange place filled with unfamiliar faces. I made sure the last person she saw was the person she gave her unconditional love to. I told her not to wait for me. I told her to go…. To run… To do her bone dance… That I will be okay. Most importantly, I will see on the other side. I know when my time comes she will be the one that will greet me.
I will miss her, my companion – my shadow who had become a part of my space, my life. It feels so empty now.
It is funny how much she had became a part of me and who I have been.
She has always been there; under my chair, under the table and under my feet. She was my little wart with Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Others called her rat face, bat face, grandpa Munster, razor back piglet, alien… but she was just Surely Not.
In James Herriot's book, Dog Stories, there is a story called "The Card over the Bed." It is about an elderly, bedridden lady with five elderly pets. After one passes on, she asked Mr. Herriot if animals have souls and if her animals will go with her. His response, “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. . . And, wherever you are going, they are going too." Over the lady's bed hung a card that read, 'God is near." And, at his side sits His Beardie.
Surely – the truth be told I am glad I didn’t get a cat.
Location: Sierra Vista
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Paula said...
I discovered your blog through Froggi Dona. After your post tonight I had to write. I am so sorry about your Surely Not. I cried so hard as I read about it. You are in my prayers as is Surely.I am sure she is running with the angels and having a grand time!Hugs to you
6:38 PM
Anonymous said...
I too found your blog from a friend of yours and just read of your loss. I am so sad for your loss! You will miss her terribly! I just wanted you to know that I too will keep you and Surely in my prayers.Donna
7:25 PM
Misty Dawn said...
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I'm sitting here shedding many tears for Surely Not. I really came to know and love her through your posts on this blog. That face always makes me smile. Rest in peace, Surely... enjoy your endless supply of bones and all the grassy fields to romp in. We love you, Sweetie, and we will miss you. We are all better people for having the chance to 'share' in your life and get to know you.My thoughts are with you, my friend. My heart breaks for you.
8:44 PM
Froggi Donna said...
Oh Pepper....there just aren't words. I know that a piece of your heart passed with her. She was one of a kind and I will remember her fondly.
8:46 PM
Anonymous said...
So sorry to read of your pet's passing on. Wow, 18 years... What a journey. Our RV pal just lost her cat at 19 years... Our thoughts are with you in this time of sadness.
11:56 PM
Milton said...
I am sorry for your loss. 18 years of pleasure-Priceless.
6:27 AM
Anonymous said...
I'm sorry for the loss of you beloved doggie. She is in a better place now. My thoughts are with you...Ronda in surprise,arizona
6:39 AM
Kati said...
Pepper, I've seen you around at other blogs: Dirk's, Robin's..... Anyway, though I've never commented here before, I've read one or two of your posts, and I wanted to stop in and say how sorry I am to hear about Surely Not's passing, but that I'm glad you got to spend so very many lovely years with her.May you find comfort in your happy memories of her.
11:49 AM
whimsical brainpan said...
I'm sorry Pepper.(((((((HUGS)))))))
12:48 PM
Lynilu said...
Oh, Pepper, there just are no words. Many tears, so many I can't read two lines before I blur up. I know I'll be there soon, and I just gave China a hug for her to take to Surely Not when it is time for her to follow Surely over the Rainbow Bridge.I'm so sorry, and I know how you hurt. Please accept a hugs from us. :')
5:29 PM
Caroline said...
I am so sorry for your loss.
6:00 PM
Anonymous said...
Oh my God, I'm so sorry Pepper. My thoughts are with you.Jay (Robin's husband)
7:01 PM
NIcole said...
Im soo sorry about surley. She will always be with you. Keep your head up. We love you
9:19 PM
Anonymous said...
Surely, the fearless, has joined with a higher power. She will forever remain in my memory as the conqueror of all shadows and ne'er do wells! Love you Pep. Call me if you need anything!~~Deanie~~
11:09 PM
bloggerwife said...
So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and baby, Surely. I cried when I read about it remembering being with my Mina when she passed last month. Hopefully they are romping together now without old aching doggie parts!
12:09 PM
DirkStar said...
My deepest sympathies are with you this evening as I read about Surely Not's passing. I am so glad Felicia and I got to meet her...I know your journey is a little lonelier now.
9:38 PM
Sandra said...
I am so sorry for your loss. I just read your blog today about the passing of Surely Not. It was a very touching blog and I had tears in my eyes remembering two years ago when we had to put our poodle to sleep. I still miss him daily but it gets easier as time passes.
6:03 AM
Lisbeth said...
You are in our prayers... and Surely, well, now she'll always be a spunky pup, she will run and she will play, she will "be" once again... more than she's been able to in a long time. Eternity and endless fun and romping belongs to her.
8:19 AM
zach said...
I am so sorry pepper. (hugs)
1:54 AM
Michael said...
So sorry for your loss...this ol' fool well understands, as I am still saddened by my Crowe's passing this past March. Though the ache will ease somewhat, the "hole" left behind shall always remain...and so will the love shared.Michael and Wanderwolf
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