My Old Friend

There will be silence this evening as I spend the first night alone without my old friend. Surely Not passed away this afternoon, peacefully, two week shy of her 18th birthday.

I'll miss her following just a step behind and most times two steps ahead me. I will miss her being always interested in what I'm doing, always willing to give me comfort, never failing to please.

Yesterday she could not get comfortable. She paced back and forth. Even my lap didn’t give her comfort. I decided to lay down with her. As I lay with her, stroking her ears the tears came. Usually when I cry she will lick my face. This time she looked intensely into my eyes as if she knew these tears were for her. She settled down and lay quietly until I stopped.

I thought the hardest part was making the decision. Is it the right one, am I doing the right thing, and then watching her every movement searching frantically for some act of normalcy.

I realize now the hardest part is saying good-bye.

I didn’t leave her alone in a strange place filled with unfamiliar faces. I made sure the last person she saw was the person she gave her unconditional love to. I told her not to wait for me. I told her to go…. To run… To do her bone dance… That I will be okay. Most importantly, I will see on the other side. I know when my time comes she will be the one that will greet me.

I will miss her, my companion – my shadow who had become a part of my space, my life. It feels so empty now.

It is funny how much she had became a part of me and who I have been.

She has always been there; under my chair, under the table and under my feet. She was my little wart with Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Others called her rat face, bat face, grandpa Munster, razor back piglet, alien… but she was just Surely Not.

In James Herriot's book, Dog Stories, there is a story called "The Card over the Bed." It is about an elderly, bedridden lady with five elderly pets. After one passes on, she asked Mr. Herriot if animals have souls and if her animals will go with her. His response, “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. . . And, wherever you are going, they are going too." Over the lady's bed hung a card that read, 'God is near." And, at his side sits His Beardie.

Surely – the truth be told I am glad I didn’t get a cat.

Location: Sierra Vista

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Paula said...
I discovered your blog through Froggi Dona. After your post tonight I had to write. I am so sorry about your Surely Not. I cried so hard as I read about it. You are in my prayers as is Surely.I am sure she is running with the angels and having a grand time!Hugs to you
6:38 PM
Anonymous said...
I too found your blog from a friend of yours and just read of your loss. I am so sad for your loss! You will miss her terribly! I just wanted you to know that I too will keep you and Surely in my prayers.Donna
7:25 PM
Misty Dawn said...
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I'm sitting here shedding many tears for Surely Not. I really came to know and love her through your posts on this blog. That face always makes me smile. Rest in peace, Surely... enjoy your endless supply of bones and all the grassy fields to romp in. We love you, Sweetie, and we will miss you. We are all better people for having the chance to 'share' in your life and get to know you.My thoughts are with you, my friend. My heart breaks for you.
8:44 PM
Froggi Donna said...
Oh Pepper....there just aren't words. I know that a piece of your heart passed with her. She was one of a kind and I will remember her fondly.
8:46 PM
Anonymous said...
So sorry to read of your pet's passing on. Wow, 18 years... What a journey. Our RV pal just lost her cat at 19 years... Our thoughts are with you in this time of sadness.
11:56 PM
Milton said...
I am sorry for your loss. 18 years of pleasure-Priceless.
6:27 AM
Anonymous said...
I'm sorry for the loss of you beloved doggie. She is in a better place now. My thoughts are with you...Ronda in surprise,arizona
6:39 AM
Kati said...
Pepper, I've seen you around at other blogs: Dirk's, Robin's..... Anyway, though I've never commented here before, I've read one or two of your posts, and I wanted to stop in and say how sorry I am to hear about Surely Not's passing, but that I'm glad you got to spend so very many lovely years with her.May you find comfort in your happy memories of her.
11:49 AM
whimsical brainpan said...
I'm sorry Pepper.(((((((HUGS)))))))
12:48 PM
Lynilu said...
Oh, Pepper, there just are no words. Many tears, so many I can't read two lines before I blur up. I know I'll be there soon, and I just gave China a hug for her to take to Surely Not when it is time for her to follow Surely over the Rainbow Bridge.I'm so sorry, and I know how you hurt. Please accept a hugs from us. :')
5:29 PM
Caroline said...
I am so sorry for your loss.
6:00 PM
Anonymous said...
Oh my God, I'm so sorry Pepper. My thoughts are with you.Jay (Robin's husband)
7:01 PM
NIcole said...
Im soo sorry about surley. She will always be with you. Keep your head up. We love you
9:19 PM
Anonymous said...
Surely, the fearless, has joined with a higher power. She will forever remain in my memory as the conqueror of all shadows and ne'er do wells! Love you Pep. Call me if you need anything!~~Deanie~~
11:09 PM
bloggerwife said...
So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and baby, Surely. I cried when I read about it remembering being with my Mina when she passed last month. Hopefully they are romping together now without old aching doggie parts!
12:09 PM
DirkStar said...
My deepest sympathies are with you this evening as I read about Surely Not's passing. I am so glad Felicia and I got to meet her...I know your journey is a little lonelier now.
9:38 PM
Sandra said...
I am so sorry for your loss. I just read your blog today about the passing of Surely Not. It was a very touching blog and I had tears in my eyes remembering two years ago when we had to put our poodle to sleep. I still miss him daily but it gets easier as time passes.
6:03 AM
Lisbeth said...
You are in our prayers... and Surely, well, now she'll always be a spunky pup, she will run and she will play, she will "be" once again... more than she's been able to in a long time. Eternity and endless fun and romping belongs to her.
8:19 AM
zach said...
I am so sorry pepper. (hugs)
1:54 AM
Michael said...
So sorry for your loss...this ol' fool well understands, as I am still saddened by my Crowe's passing this past March. Though the ache will ease somewhat, the "hole" left behind shall always remain...and so will the love shared.Michael and Wanderwolf

My Girl Surely Not

I have to say that dog is woman’s best friend. When I left my husband one of the first things I wanted was a cat. My middle child, Scott was asthmatic and the doctor said no. I ended up getting Surely Not at the local pound. She was given that name because she’s surely not a cat. I wasn’t too thrilled but the kids were absolutely delighted with her. For some reason she attached herself to me and only me. I call her my little wart. She became gray and wizen looking at a very young age. With her ruff, Poodle hair butt, and the soft undercoat of a Pomeranian she is a mess. I believe her to be a poodle, Pomeranian, terrier mix but I am not sure.

In the morning when I let her out to potty, she would throw herself onto the porch with the charge of tiger. She would bark ferociously at people passing by. They would stop, look, and laugh but this was not a deterrent. She has the heart and soul of a lion. She was the defender of the home. She was the Queen.

Surely Not knew that I couldn’t cook. Perhaps it was the plateful of leftovers that I gave her and she didn’t eat. That was no problem for her because she would faithfully run away from home everyday at 5:00 to my mother’s house and eat there. Then she would either come home or I would get her when I came up to visit. She wouldn’t even eat the dog food I gave her because she was that afraid of the food I handed her.

When Scott’s asthma was under control, I went out and picked up a cute little kitten. Surely Not immediately took to my bed, moaning and groaning. It sounded like someone was dying in there. Then she stopped eating and would only drink out of the bathtub faucet. She would lick the faucet until her tongue bled. Then she started pooping and peeing all over the place. I took her to the vet. The vet asked if there were any changes in her life because she was having a doggie nervous breakdown. The kitten was returned and Surely Not returned to her old self.

I was a foster parent doing respite care. I had to take in two small boys under the age of 7. This too made her very nervous and neurotic and she finally nipped one of the boys. As he sat there crying I comforted him and asked him if I needed to find a new home for Surely. He said yes and she was taken to my mother’s. That is when I realized that Surely Not had zero tolerance for small children and babies. I went out and found an old cat and Surely Not was okay with sharing her home with the Spookster. Later I added four more old cats and she tolerated that well. If you brought in a baby cat or even a baby human she had no tolerance for it and would do her pooping, groaning, licking, vomiting routine until the offensive infant was removed. She is the only baby in my world as far as she is concerned.

She has been with me as I raised three children to adulthood, she was my comfort during my divorce, and she was on a few of my adventures. The reason why I say a few adventures is because when I took her anywhere she knew immediately when we left town. The minute we would cross that invisible barrier known only to her she would start whimpering, groaning, panting, and shedding copious amounts of fur. Her breath was atrocious. So driving with her was not pleasant even when the kids would roll down the windows. I faithfully maintain her dental care and that didn’t help. To give you an idea of how bad her breath is, on one of our adventures out of town I noticed that the disagreeable odor was gone. I made a comment about it and that is when my daughter confessed to giving her several breath mints before we got in the car.

My favorite Surely Not story involves my father. It is not something she did but something I did to insure her place in my parent’s home. My dad had cerebral palsy, peripheral neuropathy, and was confined to a wheelchair the last 25 years of his life. Every time Surely Not would come to mom and dad’s house he would get nervous. He swore up and down that she was going to potty on his rug. So I went to the local convenience store and picked up a candy bar called “cow patty.” It did look like a big cow turd. I sat in the car and carefully broke it down to a Surely Not looking turd and snuck it in the house. When dad’s back was turn I laid it down where I knew he could see it. Then I said “bad dog Surely, bad dog.” Dad immediately swung around, and focused right in on the fake Surely Turd. I quickly bent down and picked it up and took a bite. It was a miracle, he actually stood up. To his last day with us he swears he knew the turd was fake. From that day forward Surely was welcome to his home. He never ever complained that she was going to potty on his rug. He did meet her one time with a roll of duct tape going “here puppy, puppy, puppy.” Her barking drove him nuts.

She is now 14 years old, and starting a new phase in her life. When we purchased the RV and took our first road trip with her and we crossed that invisible line she tuned up. Fortunately 28 feet dissipated the bad breath. We put her two favorite pillows on the couch and one between the seats. She whined, moaned, and cried the whole day. I told mom I don’t know what to do because I felt at that time this was too much on her. It took her two days of traveling before she realized that this was her new home. As long as she has me then anyplace is home. It goes to show that old dogs can teach us new tricks.