Dirk

Dirk, I am a dog. My real name is Surely Not because my owner wanted a cat and I am Surely Not a cat. I am Poodle, Pomeranian, and Terrier mix. I became gray and wizen looking at a very young age. I could not help it, Dirk that I aged so fast on the outside. Yes I have the terrier ruff, Poodle hair butt, and the soft undercoat of a Pomeranian but I consider myself beautiful. I might not be the “Paris Hilton” of the dog world but I am beautiful, Dirk. My owner had me shaved almost bald to try to make me beautiful and you know something Dirk, it didn’t work.

All of my life I have been made fun of. I remember back in the day when I had a real house and was allowed to roam free, I would throw myself onto the porch in the most intimidating way. I would bark ferociously at people passing by. They would stop, look, and laugh but this was not a deterrent. I have the heart and soul of a German Sheppard, Dirk. I was the defender of the home. I am, and still am the Queen.

I know I am very nervous and neurotic. Small children and babies be it animal or human sends me into a doggie nervous breakdown. But WC Fields didn’t like them either and if some humans were honest like him you would be surprised at how many don’t like babies and small children, Dirk.

You know something, Dirk. A lot of humans look like their dog and in a round about way you are also insulting my owner…….

When I am on my leash for my morning constitutional people have stopped and said “what is that?” I have heard that several times. Yes I have been told I look like a rat and my owner’s mother calls me bat face but I have never in all of my life been told I look like an alien.

I am deeply insulted and hurt by this, Dirk.
You make an old dog wish for new teeth. Yes, Dirk I am an old lady. In human years I am either 76 or 105, either way that makes me old and you are insulting an old lady, Dirk.

If I had teeth Dirk I would bite you.