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The past couple of months there has been a lot of sadness in the blogs I read.  I have been dealing with my own but it is nothing in comparison to what I have been reading.  I don’t know these people whose life stories I read.  I have never shook their hand or patted them on the back.  No hug exchange.  Yet they have become a part of my life.  With a click of a mouse they invite me into their home and stories are shared.  Similarities are noted, laughter is exchanged, information is shared, lessons are learned….   You cannot help but enjoyed them as if they are family.   Someone said they are my blogger family.  As cheesy as it sounds I have to agree.

Hannibal was not a fun stop.  My friend is in a lock down nursing home.  I am used to going into a nursing homes with their coded doors and elevators but this one was spooky.  She doesn’t go outside, she has no decorations in her room, and she just  sits in her wheelchair.  I mean she just sits.   She really tried to make light of her situation but it was hard to laugh.  I brought her lunch from her favorite restaurant, Long John Silvers, and a 12 pack of soda.  I made sure there wasn’t any glass or metal in the gifts I brought her.  There was just a part of me that wanted to grab her and run like hell.  She always been there for me for 30 years and I feel like I am not there for her.  I don’t know her diagnosis and neither does she.  No one will tell me.  I don’t know if she is still having “rages” and I don’t know how long she will be there.  She said she is leaving in 5 days to 2 months.  There was an elderly gentlemen in the hall, sitting stooped over in his wheelchair and all he said repetitiously was “I want to go home.”    She is only 50 years old.  She doesn’t have a home anymore because once she went in the nursing home she lost her apartment.  She gets a $30 a month allowance and the sodas are $1.50.  I just don’t know what to do and I hate the fact the she is where she is and I am where I am.  I don’t think I can live my life for the both of us as requested.  And no I don’t think she is crazy.  She was just misdiagnosed until the damage became permanent.