My daughter called this morning trying to plan out the events for this evening. We are going to have a girlie night – she is going to dye my hair. Then we are going to have take-out for dinner and ice cream for dessert. Robert taped all of the “My Name is Earl” shows we missed so we can catch up with Earl. I don’t know why I like the show, it defies explanation. Then she plans to cap off the evening with games, like “Apple Apple” or Skip-Bo.
My response to her enthusiasm….. “Hannah I am having one of those days when I just want to sit on the floor and cry.”
I guess to much has hit me in the past month, year and it is all catching up with me at once. I don’t understand depression because of my way of thinking is “If everything is going right then why do I feel this way?” I am having a bad hair day… which by this time tomorrow will be grey free, I hope. I am not doing a permanent color. I can wash it out in 12 shampoos. So if I don’t like it I can spend a half day in the shower washing my hair and wasting enough water to take care of a third world country.
I am going to focus on being around positive people, stay away from less judgmental people. I have been fortunate in my life to meet all kinds of people from different backgrounds, different beliefs, and have found a part of me in each of these encounters. I pride myself on giving my children the opportunity to share the same. I know some of you are wondering what brought this about. It came to me this morning when mom was trying to find a chip for her camera. On each of the chips were pictures taken a long while back, pictures that I had taken on another camera. I looked at the pictures and it brought back so many warm memories. I remembered my attempts to find a place where I could live with myself and build up resistance to people who were so quick to judge and people that were…. Well mean. The place I worked was so sad, so depressing, and sometimes my co workers were difficult, to say the least. I never found that place until I quit my job and moved into my little house on wheels.
Perhaps it is a residual effect. I haven’t been able to shake off the sadness and meanness I encountered in the years I worked at this particular job. Perhaps I never will but in the meantime I will focus on positive to off set the residual effects. It is a good plan, one I will implement immediately.
I am now off to work on the levelers and the water hose leak.
Pictures were taken yesterday at the Plaza in Kansas City. Click here to view.
My response to her enthusiasm….. “Hannah I am having one of those days when I just want to sit on the floor and cry.”
I guess to much has hit me in the past month, year and it is all catching up with me at once. I don’t understand depression because of my way of thinking is “If everything is going right then why do I feel this way?” I am having a bad hair day… which by this time tomorrow will be grey free, I hope. I am not doing a permanent color. I can wash it out in 12 shampoos. So if I don’t like it I can spend a half day in the shower washing my hair and wasting enough water to take care of a third world country.
I am going to focus on being around positive people, stay away from less judgmental people. I have been fortunate in my life to meet all kinds of people from different backgrounds, different beliefs, and have found a part of me in each of these encounters. I pride myself on giving my children the opportunity to share the same. I know some of you are wondering what brought this about. It came to me this morning when mom was trying to find a chip for her camera. On each of the chips were pictures taken a long while back, pictures that I had taken on another camera. I looked at the pictures and it brought back so many warm memories. I remembered my attempts to find a place where I could live with myself and build up resistance to people who were so quick to judge and people that were…. Well mean. The place I worked was so sad, so depressing, and sometimes my co workers were difficult, to say the least. I never found that place until I quit my job and moved into my little house on wheels.
Perhaps it is a residual effect. I haven’t been able to shake off the sadness and meanness I encountered in the years I worked at this particular job. Perhaps I never will but in the meantime I will focus on positive to off set the residual effects. It is a good plan, one I will implement immediately.
I am now off to work on the levelers and the water hose leak.
Pictures were taken yesterday at the Plaza in Kansas City. Click here to view.
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