Just Babbling

I received a call from my sister this morning, and the conversation left me feeling blue. How is my sister feeling? Overwhelmed I would say but she wouldn’t say. She is facing caring for two people who are dear to her. One of those situations where the family needs to step in and they are doing so willingly. Currently there are no plans for them to move in with Deanie but I can see it coming.

We promised dad that we would never put him in a nursing home. All of the care was provided first by mom, then by me. It was a lot of responsibility and it was a lot of work. It also required a lot of patience. To this day I don’t know what was worse – shaving dad or bathing dad.

Have you ever tried to shave an older gentleman (wrinkles and all) with cerebral palsy? One time I really thought I had a handle on him. Until I heard his muffle cry “I can’t breath.” It appears I had my hand over his mouth and nose. There are funny moments in every situation.

The time I had just finished with his bath. Wearing nothing but a towel I rolled him into his bedroom, where I strapped him in his lift. After raising him I realized how funny this situation looked with him dangling from the ceiling with nothing on but a towel and a frown. You know how warped I am; I left him there after telling him I was going to get the camera. He laughed folks and there is no photograph. Yes Hannah, it was destroyed after I put it on his computer as a wallpaper.

I just hope that when the care becomes too much for my sister and her husband they will know it would be the right thing to do. They can find a home and monitor it. Mom and I made that difficult decision with dad. There was nothing more we could do and fortunately for him he passed away. We kept our promise.

What do you see, nurses, what do you see,
what are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
as I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty - my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own
who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more babies play round my knee,
again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman and nature is cruel;
'tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
there is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
and now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
and I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years - all too few, gone too fast
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
not a crabby old woman; look closer - see ME!