Today

Click Here For Holy Hope Cemetery

It is a beautiful cemetery, quite large - since was about 100 degrees we didn't get to see all of it. So we will return tomorrow.

Location:  Tucson

YOU ARE SO BUSTED

I remember the good old days. Hannah was 18 years old, we were staying in a Kansas City MO hotel, and she wanted to have her first taste of alcohol. Being the wonderful parent I am I ordered room service - complete with two beers. She picked up the beer, put it to her lips but wouldn't drink it. Then she said "mom you drink it and I will experience it vicariously." After I finished both our beers she asked, "are you drunk yet?" "What does it feel like?"
Fast Forward 4 years, four years of her claiming never to have touched alcohol. Here she is teaching Robert how to taste test wine.
My little wino (I'm shedding tears of pride).

Does Size Matter

I accomplished a major goal this past week. I bought a swimsuit. The last swimsuit I bought was many, many, many years ago and it was a traumatic experience, one I promised myself I would never repeat. Time has a habit of easing the memory and that is why I found myself at the mall trying on swimsuits. I plucked a one piece off the rack and went into the dressing room to try it on.

I looked like a sausage with legs.

Undaunted I came out of the dressing room to find another one. I saw a tag on a black swimsuit that promised to make me look 10 pound lighter. Of course the second tag was the price tag of $150. Shoot, I need that money to fill up my tank so it went back on the rack.

I decided to try on a Tankini. I found the bottoms in my size and then I had a choice of what top I wanted. I picked out two in my size and off to the dressing room I went. The bottoms fit but the top didn’t.

I went through 15 different tops trying to find one that fit. Normally I would have left the store in tears halfway through this ordeal. I would go home, put on my fat clothes, a bag over my head, and feel unattractive for days but I persevered and continued on, even though I felt my self esteem slipping away. I ended taking every size top available to the dressing room and finally the largest one fit. It was a size 3X. I have never worn a 3X in my life!

When I took the swimsuit to the cashier to pay for it, I thought I wonder what the bra size is on this. 48 Quadruple DD - DANG I have outdone Dolly Parton.

Why can’t there be a consistency in women’s sizes?

Mom walked into the mall today, picked up a swimsuit, tried it on and it fit. Just like that. Sometimes that woman just bugs me.

Location:  Tucson

Blues

Hannah left yesterday about 6 hours late. All of the flights to Dallas were cancelled. She didn't get a full refund and had to purchase another ticket with another airline that wasn't flying to Dallas. She called and asked me to keep her company for 5 hours. When I arrived at the airports I noticed the security was much higher than that last time I was there. It wasn't because of terrorists it was due to highly irrate people who were stranded. They did offer Hannah a flight to Chicago but she would have to spend the night in the airport.



I really enjoyed her visit.



I love cards that are unusual and have a message. I found another artist, Susan Mrosek. You can see all of her work and her cards at the Pondering Pool. I purchased several cards and slipped one of them in Hannah's backpack as a surprise. Enjoy some of artwork below, and to see the rest click on the link above.

Location:  Tucson

Food and Humor

We discovered three wonderful resturants - Govinda’s, Café 54 and Casbah Teahouse. As usual I took pictures - Click Here.

Location:  Tucson

Saguaro National Park

Yesterday we went to Saguaro National Park. Since I was having a difficult time pronouncing Saguaro I was calling it "that big tall thing." I have now mastered the pronunciation - suh-wah-roe. A Saguaro is a large cactus, often with arms.



A Few Facts About The Saguaro

The Saguaro often begins life in the shelter of a "nurse" tree or shrub which can provide a shaded, moister habitat for the germination of life.

The Saguaro grows very slowly -- perhaps an inch a year -- but to a great height, 15 to 50 feet.

The largest plants, with more than 5 arms, are estimated to be 200 years old. An average old Saguaro would have 5 arms and be about 30 feet tall.

A saguaro's arms usually begin to grow only after it is about 15 feet tall and around 75 years old. The outside skin of the saguaro is smooth. Inside the full grown saguaro there are 2 inch spines that absorb water. The saguaro then expands like an accordion. It can hold about a ton of water in those spines.

The root system is very shallow. There is a tap root that is only about 3 feet long, and the rest of the roots are only about a foot long. You may wonder how these roots support such great weight. The roots anchor the saguaro by wrapping themselves around rocks.

The saguaro flower is about a 3 inch wide cluster of creamy white petals around a dense group of yellow stamens on about a 4 inch long stem. The saguaro has more stamens per flower than any other cactus flower.



Pictures have been posted, Click Here!



Location:  Tucson

The Desert Museum

Yesterday was Robert and Josh's last day in Tucson. We spent the day at the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum. What a beautiful place. I plan to go back. For pictures of birds, wolves, insects, reptiles etc Click Here .

Robin I didn't forget!!!!!

Location:  Tucson

May 16

On May 16th we went to Tucson Botanical Gardens to spend the afternoon. It was a very peaceful place. We enjoyed strolling through the gardens and photographing flowers and some of the birds. We had an enjoyable lunch at the "Gardens Cafe." Garden Cafe is managed by Café 54 . Their primary mission is as an award-winning training program serving individuals recovering from mental illness. It was an enjoyable day.



To view more pictures click here.

















Location:  Tucson

Bisbee Tidbits

We took Hannah to Bisbee Arizona May 14th. Since I have already posted pictures of Bisbee which consists of the town's cemetery and buildings, I decided to look for quirky. These pictures are of gargoyles, fences, gates, doors, graffiti and everything inbetween.

Click Here For Bisbee Tidbits

Location:  Bisbee

Thank You

I am totally blown away by the responses I have received about Surely Not. I appreciate everyone’s comments because it does help. It shows me that people truly cared about Surely Not and myself. Thank you.

My daughter, Hannah arrived from Kansas this morning. Having her here is a blessing. Of course I had to take her to the latest attraction that few know about. It is a bush right outside my door. Of course I took a picture of it and will share it.

A huge ball of bees, I don't know if they are African Bees or not. Please don't tell me they are because that would show everyone my stupidity for going out there and taking a picture.

Location: Sierra Vista

My Old Friend

There will be silence this evening as I spend the first night alone without my old friend. Surely Not passed away this afternoon, peacefully, two week shy of her 18th birthday.

I'll miss her following just a step behind and most times two steps ahead me. I will miss her being always interested in what I'm doing, always willing to give me comfort, never failing to please.

Yesterday she could not get comfortable. She paced back and forth. Even my lap didn’t give her comfort. I decided to lay down with her. As I lay with her, stroking her ears the tears came. Usually when I cry she will lick my face. This time she looked intensely into my eyes as if she knew these tears were for her. She settled down and lay quietly until I stopped.

I thought the hardest part was making the decision. Is it the right one, am I doing the right thing, and then watching her every movement searching frantically for some act of normalcy.

I realize now the hardest part is saying good-bye.

I didn’t leave her alone in a strange place filled with unfamiliar faces. I made sure the last person she saw was the person she gave her unconditional love to. I told her not to wait for me. I told her to go…. To run… To do her bone dance… That I will be okay. Most importantly, I will see on the other side. I know when my time comes she will be the one that will greet me.

I will miss her, my companion – my shadow who had become a part of my space, my life. It feels so empty now.

It is funny how much she had became a part of me and who I have been.

She has always been there; under my chair, under the table and under my feet. She was my little wart with Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Others called her rat face, bat face, grandpa Munster, razor back piglet, alien… but she was just Surely Not.

In James Herriot's book, Dog Stories, there is a story called "The Card over the Bed." It is about an elderly, bedridden lady with five elderly pets. After one passes on, she asked Mr. Herriot if animals have souls and if her animals will go with her. His response, “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. . . And, wherever you are going, they are going too." Over the lady's bed hung a card that read, 'God is near." And, at his side sits His Beardie.

Surely – the truth be told I am glad I didn’t get a cat.

Location: Sierra Vista

The comments for this entry did not import, they are as follows:

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Paula said...
I discovered your blog through Froggi Dona. After your post tonight I had to write. I am so sorry about your Surely Not. I cried so hard as I read about it. You are in my prayers as is Surely.I am sure she is running with the angels and having a grand time!Hugs to you
6:38 PM
Anonymous said...
I too found your blog from a friend of yours and just read of your loss. I am so sad for your loss! You will miss her terribly! I just wanted you to know that I too will keep you and Surely in my prayers.Donna
7:25 PM
Misty Dawn said...
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I'm sitting here shedding many tears for Surely Not. I really came to know and love her through your posts on this blog. That face always makes me smile. Rest in peace, Surely... enjoy your endless supply of bones and all the grassy fields to romp in. We love you, Sweetie, and we will miss you. We are all better people for having the chance to 'share' in your life and get to know you.My thoughts are with you, my friend. My heart breaks for you.
8:44 PM
Froggi Donna said...
Oh Pepper....there just aren't words. I know that a piece of your heart passed with her. She was one of a kind and I will remember her fondly.
8:46 PM
Anonymous said...
So sorry to read of your pet's passing on. Wow, 18 years... What a journey. Our RV pal just lost her cat at 19 years... Our thoughts are with you in this time of sadness.
11:56 PM
Milton said...
I am sorry for your loss. 18 years of pleasure-Priceless.
6:27 AM
Anonymous said...
I'm sorry for the loss of you beloved doggie. She is in a better place now. My thoughts are with you...Ronda in surprise,arizona
6:39 AM
Kati said...
Pepper, I've seen you around at other blogs: Dirk's, Robin's..... Anyway, though I've never commented here before, I've read one or two of your posts, and I wanted to stop in and say how sorry I am to hear about Surely Not's passing, but that I'm glad you got to spend so very many lovely years with her.May you find comfort in your happy memories of her.
11:49 AM
whimsical brainpan said...
I'm sorry Pepper.(((((((HUGS)))))))
12:48 PM
Lynilu said...
Oh, Pepper, there just are no words. Many tears, so many I can't read two lines before I blur up. I know I'll be there soon, and I just gave China a hug for her to take to Surely Not when it is time for her to follow Surely over the Rainbow Bridge.I'm so sorry, and I know how you hurt. Please accept a hugs from us. :')
5:29 PM
Caroline said...
I am so sorry for your loss.
6:00 PM
Anonymous said...
Oh my God, I'm so sorry Pepper. My thoughts are with you.Jay (Robin's husband)
7:01 PM
NIcole said...
Im soo sorry about surley. She will always be with you. Keep your head up. We love you
9:19 PM
Anonymous said...
Surely, the fearless, has joined with a higher power. She will forever remain in my memory as the conqueror of all shadows and ne'er do wells! Love you Pep. Call me if you need anything!~~Deanie~~
11:09 PM
bloggerwife said...
So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and baby, Surely. I cried when I read about it remembering being with my Mina when she passed last month. Hopefully they are romping together now without old aching doggie parts!
12:09 PM
DirkStar said...
My deepest sympathies are with you this evening as I read about Surely Not's passing. I am so glad Felicia and I got to meet her...I know your journey is a little lonelier now.
9:38 PM
Sandra said...
I am so sorry for your loss. I just read your blog today about the passing of Surely Not. It was a very touching blog and I had tears in my eyes remembering two years ago when we had to put our poodle to sleep. I still miss him daily but it gets easier as time passes.
6:03 AM
Lisbeth said...
You are in our prayers... and Surely, well, now she'll always be a spunky pup, she will run and she will play, she will "be" once again... more than she's been able to in a long time. Eternity and endless fun and romping belongs to her.
8:19 AM
zach said...
I am so sorry pepper. (hugs)
1:54 AM
Michael said...
So sorry for your loss...this ol' fool well understands, as I am still saddened by my Crowe's passing this past March. Though the ache will ease somewhat, the "hole" left behind shall always remain...and so will the love shared.Michael and Wanderwolf

This past week has been a waiting game. Surely has been the star attraction. Since she has forgotten where to use the toilet mom and I have been on high alert. Any sign of her squatting, one of us will jump up and take her outside. I think it has made her a nervous wreck.

It takes her awhile to get her prance going when outside and once she does…. She wants to go back to the house, she is worn out.

Last night Surely and I went through our little bedtime ritual. I carried her outside and waited. Then I carried her inside and put her on her pillow in front of the couch. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and I saw her struggling to jump into my bed. Something she knows she is not allowed to do since she now has a bladder, poop control problem. Then she had a seizure. It was horrible. Her head bobbing up and down, nose hitting the floor then snapping up like some manic dog toy people keep in the back of their cars. All I could was put my hand on her back. When it was over I couldn’t put her in her kennel. She hates that thing and she misses sleeping with me. Foolishly I put her in my bed and waited for her to get comfortable. Then I slipped in beside her and rested my hand on her back.

3:00 a.m. another seizure occurred and I just talked to her and waited for it to subside. 4 hours later mom woke up to a mess. Surely had piddled, pooped, and vomited throughout the RV. Mom then saw her have a third seizure.

I called the vet as soon as I could and I took her in this morning. At first she was excited to be leaving the house, but she stumbled and almost fell down the stairs and that took the wind out of her sails. I carried her to the car and then into the vet’s office. They took a blood sample and her kidney function has worsened.

The doctor now tells me she has a kidney disease. I brought up quality of life, her age, how everything that gives her pleasure has been taken away, and her sleeping most of the time. He brought up medications, prescription dog foods, and starting her on an IV drip to flush her kidneys. He said most times it works.

Most times. I want all the time. I want her prance back, I want her curled up next to me at night, I want her foolish alert face looking back at me, I want her back on the couch looking out the window, I want dog slobbers on the windows of the RV and car. I want my geriatric puppy back. Will an IV drip give me that? Will an IV drip give her back all the things I had to take away? She is confined to the floor, she cannot sleep with me, and the only pleasure she has is wet dog food laced with Phenobarbital.

I was told by a vet that she will let me know when it is time. I have accepted that. I might not like it but I have accepted it. I feel she is letting me know now. Then why can’t the vet just let us say good-bye? Why do we have to keep medicating her? Where in the hell can I find a humane vet in this area?

She is not suffering now. I asked the vet how much Phenobarbital can I give her and I gave the full amount when I got home. She is sound asleep. When she wakes up I will medicate her again.

Location: Sierra Vista

Gleeson and Murray Springs and Grandkids

Murray Springs

Gleeson

Grandkids

This, That, And The Other

I have had a lot on my plate this month. It started with my son calling and letting me know that he has left his wife of 4 years. It was not an easy decision for him, in fact he returned once only to leave again. The reason for his decision makes sense but it is something that you don’t want to happen. My daughter sent me a quote from Brian Andreas that really captures how I feel,

“There has never been a day when I have not been proud of you, I said to my son, though some days I’m louder about other stuff so it’s easy to miss that.”

Surely has been ill and even though I have prepared myself for this part of her life, I am not happy about it. She is on 7 different kinds of medications and if her kidney function doesn’t improve by May 12th then the day I have been dreading will become a reality.

Dad is making his presence known in the house. I am so thankful that he is doing it there and not in my little house on wheels. Mom and I have often wondered if the strange noises and the feeling of being stared at were gone and apparently it hasn’t gone away. He loved that house, more than anything in the world. It was his sanctuary, his design, and I hate to say this, but it was also his prison in later years.

My grandmother lived in Tucson Arizona and I remember visiting her as a child. One of the fears she instilled in me (besides going barefooted) was to be very, very afraid of a Gila Monsters . To a young child’s mind anything ending with monster is terrifying. I have never seen one and all I knew of it was her description; a fat red and black,venomous lizard. Driving home Wednesday I swerved to avoid hitting something red and black crawling across the road. Needless to say I pulled over, grabbed my camera and took off running. For a fat lizard it can move fast and for a fat lady I can haul butt as well. I finally caught up to it as it was going under a bush so the pictures I took of it are not very good. I finally saw and captured on film the lizard of my childhood nightmares.

I have been having some disturbing dreams lately. I am remembering each and every one of them. I have decided to start writing them down because they are just bizarre. I had a dream the other night of a Flying Rod becoming a parasitic insect that lives under your skin. They just zip under your skin without you knowing. This dream occurred because of two shows I watched “Untold Stories of the ER” and “Flying Rods, Fact or Fiction.” Both shows must have left an impression on me.

There is good news on the horizon! My daughter is coming for a visit and I am looking forward to that.

I have updated my webpage with all of the pictures I haven taken over the past two weeks. We have been to Tombstone, Amerind Foundation, Chiricahua National Monument , and places in between.

Enjoy
April 23 Tombstone
April 23 Rose Tree Tombstone
April 23 Tombstone Cemetery
April 25 Amerind
April 30 Dos Cabezas Cemetery
April 30 Faraway Ranch
April 30 Chiricahua
April 30 Willcox

Scolds Bridle or Gossip Bridle. Used on women who talked to much or gossiped.

Location: All Over Arizona