Three Weird Sisters

Hannah, you will be receiving a package, in it will be two CDs. You may drool, read the package, but you are not to open them. I know you, you will play them - like them and play them some more and by the time I get them they will be worn out. You know if we were a normal family I would hate your music and you would hate mine. Then we wouldn't have this problem. You can bring it to me when we come back to Missouri in October.

I know I shouldn't do this and will take full responsibility. I love this song:

Pity PartyBy Brenda Sutton© 1994
I coulda been a contender
if life hadn't dealt me dirt
I woulda been a giant among men
if my genes hadn't made me a female squirt
I mighta built me a dynasty if taxes weren't so high
I coulda woulda shoulda but I didn't didn't didn't
So no one will care when I die. (Sigh)

Chorus:Wallow, wallow, wallow,Wallow, wallow, wallow
Boo hoo hoo pout cry sniff(sniff)-
Repeat

I woulda made the Olympic Team if I'd only learned how to skate
I shoulda married Sean Connery but I was born two decades too late
(and I hate haggis)
If Sally Fields can win an Oscar, I know I coulda done it too
If I hadn't done the things I did with my life,
there's no telling what I could do

Chorus

Break:
It's not my fault I turned out like this, you mustn't criticize
But Saturn has been retrograde since my birth
and the sun's been in my eyes
Waah, waah, waah, waah!
I woulda made a great dancer but I was born with two left feet
You mustn't mind my bad temper, I'm PMS and I eat too much red meat
In spite of all my short comings, I think I'm doing fine
I've accomplished an awful lot in my life
for someone who's out of her mind.
Chorus

Casino

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral -

Not all Southerners are stupid.

Not all blondes are dumb,

but all men..... are men.

Its A Girl

I remember the doctor telling me "Its a girl." I was so happy. Then she hit the preteen years and it hit me. I had a girl. I am not a girlie girl. I don't wear make up, I wear whatever is clean, and really don't care if the socks match the outfit but what about my daughter. I felt I should give her the opportunity to figure out if she is ultra feminine or not. So when the time arrived I did the only thing I could figure out to do... I took her to Clinque and had an expert show her everything that I couldn't. My daughter owns as many shoes as books and that is a hell of a lot. She color coordinates her outfits. Her socks always match and she loves to dress up. She sent me a picture recently. I noticed that her running suit trim matched the t-shirt perfectly, her shoes went with the outfit and her helmet matched her t shirt as well. If you are wondering what she and JP is standing on..... it bat poop. Thats my baby, the ultimate girlie girl.

On A Soap Box

I am on a soap box. I read about the Baton Rouge man who stabbed his ex wife in a car and when she managed to jump out and go for help he stabbed his 2-year old daughter. When he couldn’t get the knife out of the child’s head to use on his wife he struck his wife with the car.

Where is God?

I can answer that question based on something Ruth Graham said when she was asked that question. We removed him from the schools, the government, sometimes even from church. Being the gentleman he is, he just stepped back.

Mel Gibson made a comparison to the Mayan civilization and the United States. I have always said we are in a decline and I even compared the US and the Mayans before Mel. I remember when we went to the Mayan Pottery Cave in Belize. I asked William our guide the usual tourist question of “What happened to the Mayans.” I will tell you this they are still there but not in the numbers as before. William said when the Mayans civilization started the decline anyone could perform the sacred rituals. Not just the religious leaders. People started losing faith, then the overuse of resources, doesn’t this sound a little familiar? I always told my kids that history repeats itself.

I am aware the decline of Mayan civilization is still not fully explained but it is obvious that the overuse of the land, the revolts against the priests played a significant role. We are seeing that now. We have become a country without guidance. There are no rules, no boundaries. I have to agree that God is a gentlemen and being the gentleman he is, he just stepped back. Perhaps we need to call on him more. Invite him back to our schools, government, churches. Maybe then we will not see as many headlines such as “Man stabs ex-wife, toddler while stuck in traffic”

Roubidoux

September is the month of memories. It is the beginning of Autumn with Winter peeking around the corner. The weather is right for “porch sitting” and reminiscing about Spring and Summer. My favorite reminisces is of float trips. The lazy way the canoe drifts down the river, cold drinks, soggy sandwiches, and finding treasures that lay on the bottom. I miss those times with my children.

September is a special time for beginnings. It was in September that my two grandchildren were born, and September is the month that my first child (father of my grandchildren) was born. There are times when I feel sad because I don’t see them, maybe once a year if I am lucky and the children don’t know who I am. I don’t know what a grandmother is but I can imagine. Jolie paints such a delightful picture of her grandchildren that I live vicariously through her. She gives me the paintbrush and I paint the picture of the perfect grandmother that I would be. I think to myself if they lived close by what will I do to give my grandchildren the memories they need of this family. Would I be reckless and buy them enough goodies to spoil them rotten? How many times a week would we be at the park? What embarrassing stories could I tell them of their father that would make them laugh and realize that he too was a child? What good night stories would I tell? Of course I wouldn’t scare the bejesus out of them like I did with my children. I sometimes walk through the children section and see items I would like to give, to share but I refrain. Instead I give Isabel a soft, stuff fish that makes a boing noise when you drop it. The postmaster had to mark on the box “sound is okay.” I can only imagine her giggles.

September is the time of edification. Or it was when my children were small. This September my daughter joined a grotto and will be exploring Big Smittle. I know as a mother I should be concerned. Flash floods, collapsing walls, bats, the unknown but it is an interest that my daughter enjoys. The time for me to say “no” is over. I open that door a long time ago and let my children leave to create their own lives. I can shake my head, say prayers, but I feel I gave them enough instructions/ guidance to let them be the person they want to be. I am proud of them all.

It is such a lazy Saturday afternoon. I cleaned the “house” from top to bottom. Completed my outside chores and wrote a little. Now it is time for a good book and the couch. I wish to all of you a peaceful September Saturday morn.

Illinois

Weather

We decided to stay put until this storm passes. Which was a good move since the area we were planning to visit has been hit with severe storms and hail. I checked the weather again and this is what is going on. We are not quite out of the woods but at least the RV isn't shaking like it was last night. It was quite disturbing. If we have to, there is shelter nearby but I don't see that happening. We are 15 miles from Springfield.

Fall begins tonight at 11:03 PM CT with the Autumnal Equinox. The severe weather outbreak we expected to take place today is indeed in progress, with at least one confirmed tornado thus far (St. James, MO). The dry line has pushed east through Springfield, effectively ending the tornado threat for now. However, dry lines often "back up" at night, and since the main push of upper energy and the main cold front hasn't moved through yet, the threat cannot be considered over yet for Springfield and far western Missouri. East of a line from roughly Rolla to Huntsville, AR, the threat for tornadic storms remains high. Nearly every storm today has shown rotation due to the very strong wind shear in place, and we will likely see several rounds of scattered storms develop and move northeast.

A very strong upper disturbance and associated jet stream will move through the central plains tonight. Scattered storms will develop in response to this, even as far west as the main cold front. Some of those could be severe again, and will likely form a squall line late tonight. At that point, the main threat will be damaging winds, not tornadoes.

Saturday looks wet, but by Sunday the system will be east of us with pleasant weather returning.


Location:  Marshfield Missouri

Tale of Two Cowards

I got up this morning and checked the weather on TV. They were forecasting rain and wind gusts. We hadn’t unhooked the car and truthfully we just wanted out of there. It was not a comfortable park. We didn’t make it far because the wind knocked me to the side of the road. I didn’t want to hit another gust so we pulled over in the next town. Even parked we can feel our home rock. It is enough to make you queasy. I checked the Underground Weather site and they say the winds will gust up to 30 mph. It is a good day to stay inside and rock and roll in our little house on wheels.

This park is great. When we called to find the location of RV Express in Marshfield the owner said look for an ugly man wearing a purple shirt. He was actually standing on the side of the road flagging us in. Free wi-fi, free cable, and the best Mexican restaurant I have ever eaten at. It is almost like I died and went to heaven. Plus the owner helped me set up, unhook the car, and made sure to let me know he does it for everyone. It isn’t because I am a woman.

I am a little hyper sensitive when it comes to things of that nature. I hate being treated like I am a dainty little flower. If someone treats me like that I try to bite my tongue but a part of me is screaming “knock it off asshole, I know what I am doing.” But I am a lady and will keep my mouth shut.

The problem with the leveling system was not my fault. The switch needed to be replaced. So far nothing has beep at me today and all is well. Plus the ice machine is working and we will be sipping tea in a day or two. I love a beep free day. We all need days like this.

This afternoon I went out and took pictures of the storm coming in. The wind is still super strong and the rocking is getting to me. 4 Tums and I am still queasy. I will never admit it was the Mexican food.

Surely has found another source of entertainment. I will get my mattress out and flip the switch to fill it with air. She likes to stand on it while it is inflating. Cheap thrills.

Joe emailed and suggested we try another route to Arkansas. So we are going to avoid Highway 5. We will be going through Springfield MO. I am far more comfortable with this route. If the winds are still gusting tomorrow we will stay put. We are really not in a hurry so why risk it? We have all the comforts of home, with the exception of a solid foundation, so we will stay put if the weather continues.

Location:  Marshfield Missouri

Trivia

This is a test for us maturing kids! Check Comments to see the answers, but don't cheat. How many did you get right? I missed three

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.

03. "Get your kicks, ______ _____________."

04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ___________________."

05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."

07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S," Nestle's makes the very best "________________."

08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

10. Red Skelton's hobo charac ter was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________."

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the musicdied." This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the________________.

Update

We are in Lebanon MO. We left Springfield IL this morning and made pretty good time considering the massive amount of road repair on I-44. A lot of one lane roads to drive on. We had to spend two nights in Springfield IL because of a rather severe neck spasm. Everything on the RV is designed for someone with long arms and legs. So I was doing a lot of stretching. I am still sore but not as bad as last night. I have been approached twice by men asking “do you drive this?” I see trouble brewing for the wives and for me. I make sure they understand that I had to get an extension for the accelerator, that I cannot reach the air conditioner or radio. That it is difficult for someone who is short in stature to drive this rig. I don’t know if it helps but I am trying to ease the bickering that goes on between husbands and wives.

Tomorrow we head towards Arkansas and I don’t know if I will have internet services or phones. You might not hear from me for a while. I had to pay $8 to get on the net tonight (it is a racket) in order to let you all know I might not be heard from for a while. Don’t worry.

Like I said earlier driving this isn’t bad, as long as I don’t want the air conditioner on. You can’t tell I am pulling a car and that could be trouble. Tomorrow I start driving on Highway 5 and I am a little apprehensive. Also there is nothing more frustrating than having to go to the bathroom and having one just a few steps behind you. There is no place to pull over on 5.

I am tired, sore, and looking forward to curling up next to Surely Not and a good book. The air mattress is working out great and Surely hasn’t dug a hole in it. We just love the room we have and the storage. Hopefully we will be able to get out and sightsee.

Later

Pictures

photos removed

Stuck In Rockford Il

We are stuck in Rockford. The leveling system is not working properly and the only advice the roadside service would give me is “disconnect the wiring and take it to a RV Center that services Holiday Ramblers.” First it is Sunday and no service station is opened. Second – There is no way I am going to dismantle anything. I am beginning to show some improvements with repairs but there is still this little voice inside my head saying, “Beat it with a hammer, if it breaks into a billion pieces don’t worry it needed fixing anyway.” Third – this is brand new. There should be no problems and I am going to drive it, dinging away to the RV Center and let them deal with it.

I hate alarms. It seems that the majority of my life has been ruled by alarms. I have become Pablo’s dog. Alarms are intrusive; they shatter your ability to think. Yes they do shatter the ability because every time I hear one I want to pick up a hammer. Your thinking has changed from trying to fix the problem that caused the alarm to go off to wanting to destroy something to get it to shut off. I know they are useful so that makes them a necessary evil. That still doesn’t help my desire to rip out wires to make the damn thing shut off. My mother, who is an excellent cook and my kids know what good taste like because of her, would start cooking and the smoke alarm would go off. It was located in the hallway above the closet door and one of the kids would run to the door and use at as a fan to shut off the alarm. Eventually the battery gave out and it was never replaced. It became another useless appliance like the salad shooter that is collecting dust in the cabinet that no one can reach without a step ladder.

I am also hopelessly bored. I finished my book (Last Days of Dogtown) this morning, I took a few pictures of geese that are resting by the river, walked my dog and let her sniff everything, ate lunch, and now a storm is brewing. I can hear the thunder in the distant creeping up slowly, the rain just started and my picture window, also known as a windshield has droplets of rain on it. With the luck that I have been having the next posting will be coming from Oz. I can see it now. The RV dropping out of the sky, landing on a witch, the Munchkins coming out singing….. Their voices sounding similar to the alarm system in the RV. Then I pick up a hammer. I am so bored.

Location:  Rockford Illinois

Our New Home

I will be taking inside shots later and will get them posted.

The Dome

My daughter Hannah was interested in attending a University of Metaphysical Sciences in Kansas City. I believe the first year studies concentrated on mediation, knowing one self etc. The second year study involved moving to a small town in Missouri for further studies. So Hannah and I drove to this small town to meet the folks and see if this is what Hannah wanted to do.

First and foremost I consider metaphysics a science, the most basic reason being that thought affects matter. I am by no means making fun of this. Now onto the story.

We drove to the farm and the first thing that caught my attention was the Monolithic Dome. It looked like half of a golf ball. It is definitely something you do not see in the hills of Missouri. We were met by a very nice lady who gave us a tour of the school which was also a farm. I asked her about the dome, the meaning, how it was constructed, and why in the hills of Missouri. This lead to her discussing the building of the dome and the stories surrounding it during the construction.

Now picture this. We are in a town with a population of less than 100. A place where a bug zapper and a six pack of beer is considered entertainment, a place where cow tipping is popular, a place where there are several “good ole boys” residing. Then the population is increased by 50 or more people and the locals called them hippies. The school was accepted by the people in the community, there were no problems. Then the students built the Peace Dome. The first step in building this type of structure is to pour a concrete ring foundation. Now I am sure that some of the locals took notice of this and I can hear them saying “well you know those damn hippies, always smoking the wacky weed. Hand me another beer Bubba.”

The second step in construction is an Airform which is placed on the ring base. Using blower fans, it is inflated and the Airform creates the shape of the structure to be completed. The fans run throughout construction of the dome. The lady who conducted the tour said “this definitely caught the attention of our neighbors and we had an audience. I am sure watching this was more entertaining than cow tipping. In fact I visualize a tail gate party.

It was during this stage that the students found out the acoustics in this “balloon” were phenomenal. So late at night they brought in lighting and sang and danced in side the dome. Now I will admit to being a little bit of a hippy and I will admit that when I was 19 I dressed like Joan Cleaver and danced and panhandled on the streets with my friends. It was in an environment that accepted outlandish behavior. I don’t know what the community was thinking when this was taking place but my imagination was definitely running amuck. I could see Bubba giving up Monday night football, the bug zapper, and grabbing a six pack and the little woman to run down to see what the hippies were doing. I bet they were convinced they were all stoned.

Think about it, in a community where trailers out number homes…. Then this plastic balloon was inflated and people were dancing and singing inside. Eventually they sprayed the balloon with cement and etc and it was completed. Through out the construction the lady said there was always an audience. They sat in their trucks on the property line and watched. The students were gentle souls, gracious, giving and they would have given anyone a tour of the dome if it was requested. No one requested a tour or came on their property. I think they were afraid. I feel strongly if several cows became sick, or the crops failed they would have blamed “them damn pot smoking hippies.”

When we (Hannah and I) went into the building for services it was a holy place. You could feel the energy, the closeness of God, and I was a believer. When we went to the second floor, formed a circle and held hands it was the closest I have ever been to God. The connection was there and I was sad to leave. I was ready to admit my daughter and send her off to college. Truthfully I think the experience would have been beneficial to her and to some extent to me but she chose going to a traditional college instead.

White Buffalo

3rd rare white buffalo born on Wis. farm
By EMILY FREDRIX, Associated Press Writer

Thu Sep 14, 7:14 PM ET

A farm in Wisconsin is quickly becoming hallowed ground for American Indians with the birth of its third white buffalo, an animal considered sacred by many tribes for its potential to bring good fortune and peace.

Floyd "Looks for Buffalo" Hand, a medicine man in the Oglala Sioux Tribe in Pine Ridge, S.D., said it was fate that the white buffaloes chose one farm, which will likely become a focal point for visitors, who make offerings such as tobacco and dream catchers in the hopes of earning good fortune and peace.

"That's destiny," he said. "The message was only choose one person."
The white buffalo is particularly sacred to the Cheyenne, Sioux and other nomadic tribes of the Northern Plains that once relied on the buffalo for subsistence.

According to a version of the legend, a white buffalo, disguised as a woman wearing white hides, appeared to two men. One treated her with respect, and the other didn't. She turned the disrespectful man into a pile of bones, and gave the respectful one a pipe and taught his people rituals and music. She transformed into a female white buffalo calf and promised to return again.

That this latest birth is a male doesn't make it any less significant in American Indian prophecies, which say that such an animal will reunite all the races of man and restore balance to the world, Hand said. He said the buffalo's coat will change from white to black, red and yellow, the colors of the various races of man, before turning brown again.
The birth of a white male buffalo means men need to take responsibility for their families and the future of the tribe, Hand said.

Gary Adamson, 65, of Elkhorn, who is of Choctaw and Cherokee heritage, said tribal elders will help interpret the animal's significance.
"There are still things that need to be done, and Miracle's task wasn't quite done yet, and we feel there's something there," he said.

Copyright © 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.

*********************************

White Buffalo Woman
Sung By Lisa Thiel
White Buffalo Woman, I seek thy vision
White Buffalo Woman, I seek thy grace
White Buffalo Woman, I seek thy wisdom
White Buffalo Woman, I seek thy peace
Fill me with thy vision, fill me with thy grace
Fill me with thy wisdom, fill me with thy peace

Okay Scott

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Just An Update

Moving day always is such a pain in the backside. Even though I am happy we have more space it is difficult trying to figure out where everything goes. We absolutely love our new home, it is more spacious, more storage, and we were fortunate to find Collier RV in Rockford. Our experience with the place we purchased the Gulfstream was not pleasant. No test driving and the only instruction were "take a wide turn when you leave the parking lot." No wonder I hit a tree. I was able to drive the coach with Dan our salesman in the vehicle. He made me feel comfortable and relax. Mom sat on the couch worrying with the seat beat, I am sure she wasn’t as confident. Because of this I am comfortable driving the coach but I am not use to the air brakes so mom will have to follow me in the car until I get use to them. The couch will not be useful as my bed so I purchased an air mattress for Surely and I. I hope she doesn’t start digging because we will leak.

I am sitting here listening to Kate Campbell and I am happy to have my music. I had to go outside to give the geriatric puppy a good walk and the night is pitch black. No stars to speak of. I found it soothing but Surely (being night blind) was not happy. While in Rockford we have been able to watch the geese fly in their perfect V to a warmer climate and I wonder where we will be after October.

We will not make it to Gainesville until Monday. Mom was feeling poorly today as well as I. We got a lot accomplished between the sniffles and moaning though and I am pleased with our efforts. Tomorrow will be a push day to finish up. I have a lot to do outside, organizing the basement, trying to familiarize myself with all the hook ups, and making trips to Dollar General. I should make a list and make one trip but that takes the fun out of being frustrated.

I will be posting pictures of Dan the salesman and the coach when I am through with all the fun things I have to do.

Later

Location:  Illinois Rockford

Headlines

Judge tells Saddam: "You are not a dictator"
Amiri, who has compared his approach to the trial as that of a referee seeking "fairness", then addressed Saddam politely, saying: "You are not a dictator. It is the people who surround a man who make him a dictator".

Okay, that explains it. He is a “misunderstood” leader.

*********

Kissinger warns of possible "war of civilizations"
WASHINGTON (AFP) - Former US secretary of state Henry Kissinger warned that Europe and the United States must unite to head off a "war of civilizations" arising from a nuclear-armed Middle East.

In my opinion, for what it is worth, is this – its already in the works.

*********

Jealous girlfriend held in MySpace.com murder plot
MESA, Arizona (AP) -- A 22-year-old woman was arrested after authorities say she tried to hire someone to kill another woman whose photo appeared on her boyfriend's MySpace.com Web page.

Watch where you photo ends up after posting it on the net.

*********

Man Arrested After Allegedly Killing Puppy In Front Of Teens
OKLAHOMA CITY -- Oklahoma City police arrested a man on Wednesday in a case of alleged animal cruelty witnessed by two teenagers. "I hear the puppy like screaming and hollering. I looked over to my right, and at the trash can, he was holding it ... He reached in the back of his pocket and took it and slit its throat," said Barbara Biggs, who adopted a puppy from Fields.

He slit this poor animal’s throat. Unfortunately he will get a light sentence, sent home, to become another mass murderer.

*********

Man who set girlfriend on fire gets 15 years to life
NEW YORK (AP) -- A man who admitted killing his ex-girlfriend by setting her on fire with gasoline as her young son watched was sentenced Wednesday to 15 years to life in prison.

He will be in out in 7 years. Justice sometimes doesn’t prevail.

Deanie

I am so glad you are posting. Its a great way to stay in touch. Mom and I have told you about Hazmat Modine and but we couldn't play the CD for you. Here they are.... Enjoy.

Love you and miss you sis

Malls and Elmo Lincoln

I loathe Malls. I shop at Wal-Mart and avoid any and all malls. Yet, today I actually had a decent experience at a mall. We had to drop the Gulfstream off at the dealers to move the satellite to our new RV and we had time to kill. Since Rockford is not a brown sign town there was nothing left to do but walk the mall. Mom wanted to find a pair of pants and we ended up at a department store. Once in a great while curiosity will overcome me and I will actually try on something. I found two pairs of jeans with absolutely no elastic in the waist. I was so thrilled that I actually went to another store to look at shirts. I think mom would have wanted to have her toe nails pulled out one by one than follow me to a store to buy shirts. You see, shopping for shirts with me is a horrible experience for anyone. I am not proud of the fact that the very first Tarzan (Elmo Lincoln) had the same problem as I. Some well-meaning idiot informed me of that piece of trivia thinking it would make me feel better. Which it did not. I am barrel chested and anyone with that problem knows that shirt buying is a royal pain in the arse and you are better off going to the men's department. My luck continued and I purchased two button up shirts. Mom was very relieved. It was a successful day at the sales rack.

Tomorrow we will be moving into our new home.



For those of you that want to read about Elmo, click here


Illinois Rockford

Bashing

I have been accused of male bashing. To even the score here is some funnies on women.

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?When she starts her sentence, "A man once told me ...".

Why do men pass gas more then women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me, "What's on the TV".I said, "Dust".

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.Then God created Man and rested.Then God created Woman.Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Bubba And Earl

Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of beer. Bubba says to Earl:"Lookey thar up ahead it's a dadgum police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put the labels on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Howdy boys ya'll been drinkin'?"

"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels...

"Me and Bubba's on the Patch."

He Said.... She Said

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?She said . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?She said . . They don't have time

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?She said . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

It's Not Difficult

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

This is what I posted a few days ago and things have changed since then. "For those that need to know - I am in Rockford IL.

Business calls us back to Missouri. Hopefully by Sunday we will be in Gainesville. I don't know which park yet but as soon as I do I will let you know.

Our goal while in Rockford was to do warranty work and repair the dent. The Gulf Stream dealer we saw made us an offer we couldn't refuse. Yes we are moving tomorrow to a 34 foot Holiday Rambler Neptune with two slideouts. This should give us plenty of room. I don't know why but most motorhomes comes with two couches. I had them take out one and replace it with a table that will match the cabinets and now I have two dining room tables but the second will function as a desk. The couch does have an air mattress and that will serve as my bed. It is a diesel engine with air brakes but I test drove it this morning and it handles well. I didn't hit anyone, or clip any cars but most importantly I didn't hit a tree.

Location:  Rockford Il

General Musings

Surely, being the grand old dame of 14 years, still has a lot of puppy in her. Before moving into our little house on wheels she had the freedom city dogs dream about. She could roam wherever she wanted, eat whatever she wanted, and spent her early years being a dog. Now she is on a leash, she is constantly being picked up after (rubber gloves are a god send), and eating anything but dog food is definite NO. She views a leash with a mixture of tolerance and dislike. Yet she looks forward to our long walks and knows when I grab the leash it is time. She jumps down off of the couch and lies down in front of the door, waiting to hear the familiar “click,” then she does her old lady shake and she is out the door. Walks are generally relaxing for the both of us. The only time she becomes aggressive is toward the larger breed of dogs and then the heart of the lion comes out. Upon occasion she forgets she is tethered and usually I can get her under control. There was this one time that I couldn’t get her under control and of course we had our lawn chair audiences watching the show. Truthfully, I don’t know what possessed her because 98% of the time she doesn’t chase squirrels. That afternoon the urge to chase struck and she was off after a squirrel. I couldn’t just suddenly stop her because with the rate of speed she was going it would have snapped her neck. So I started chasing her, still hanging on the leash, yelling “Stop Surely.” I am sure it was entertaining for the folks in their lawn chairs but it was not entertaining for me because I am to damn old to be chasing squirrels. As in most cases the squirrel escaped unscathed, Surely stopped, and then looked at me with the expression of “what the hell are you doing?”

One morning mom and I thought we heard a violin. It was faint and we weren’t sure if it was a radio or TV. Then it came in clear, beautiful and haunting. It seems our neighbor was providing his neighbors with this wonderful entertainment. You could feel the joy he had in his playing and small mistakes were inconsequential. The three days he was parked next to us we were given his joy of music every morning. I was saddened to see him leave.

Cemeteries - I was asked about my fascination with cemeteries. I will try to explain, briefly. There is a reverence about a cemetery. It is a quiet place to sit and ponder. It is like being in a library without walls. Each one of the tombstones has a story to tell and some are captured with the etchings on the stones. Others are left to your imagination. It is life in its beginning and in its end. As many stones say “Pause, stranger, when you pass me by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so will you be; So prepare for death and follow me.”


Since I recently found out that I was to become a grandmother again I started thinking about my children. I was a bad mother, according to today’s standards in raising children. Now days they have a plan; a detailed diagram on how to raise a newborn to a toddler. In my days, babies didn’t come with instructions. I turned to my mother for advice and followed my own rules.

Today they have “feeding instructions.” For example from birth to 4 months you are to feed your baby breast milk or formula ONLY. When my oldest was in this stage I had him at the kitchen table eating mash potatoes and gravy. I introduced him to a plastic cup without a lid and he introduced me to a mop. I hauled all of my children around on my hip instead of a carrier. I had a swing but you had to wind it up. Now days swings are battery operated and you could forget you had a child until it cried for food or a diaper change. I did have Pampers but I also had cloth diapers. I had no problem rinsing them out in the toilet first then putting it in the washing machine. If the washing machine was broke I scoured them on a wash board. I also hung them out to dry. I think my children remember the washing machine, because it was a wringer washer. I really believe it was the first washer ever made. I will also admit to grabbing a kitchen towel and using it for an impromptu diaper. I would throw my children in the air and catch them; I would lay on the ground with them and wrestle grasshoppers out of their hands before they ate them. I will admit that a couple of bugs lost their lives to their curiosity. I let them crawl around on rocks, threw them in the lake butt naked, and I even swatted their behinds when they got out of hand. I was a terrible mother. I broke all the rules.

Illinois Rockford

Getting Older

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

Rockford IL

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

I'm Always Ratting On My Kids

I am always telling stories about my kids so I decided I would confess up and tell one on myself. Robin's blog about her turtle prompted this. My daughter decided to get a rat and that of course led to three. I can't remember any of the names except for one. Satan. The demonic rat from hell. White with pink eyes and a go for the throat attitude. That is another story I will reserve for Halloween. Anyway I was asleep or I would of never said this to my daughter. She came into my room, crying because her pet rat died. It wasn't Satan. I told her to put it in the freezer and I will deal with it in the morning. You know it is a miracle that my kids are relatively normal after all the stuff I put them through.

Take care of your animals. Pets or not. If one day you come home after a long day at work and find a duck in your bathtub - its okay. If you find a snake in your daughter's closet that is okay too. If one morning you wake up and a Rottweiler is running down the hall, straight toward you.... just change the sheets because that too is okay. When you look in your 8 year old son's hamster cage and see babies...... and your son explains how that happened. It is okay. The possum in the bathroom closet though is another thing. When I was first divorced I got the kids a Dauchaund (?). We lived in a nearly three bedroom trailer that was a hundred years old. When the wind blew, it also blew through our trailer. One evening the kids and I heard the dog going bonkers in the bathroom. I went into the bathroom with kids in tow and the stupid dog was digging at the closet door. I figured if he wanted in there so bad I would let him in and so I opened the door. You can imagine the shock when the dog pulled out a possum. I don't know how we got it out of the house and I don't know how it got in. I guess it came in with the wind.

Speaking of pets, my geriatric puppy is snoring and that reminds me I need to hit the sack myself.

For those that need to know - I am in Rockford IL. We are trying to decide if we go to Minnesota or New Boston IL. Well let you know when we decide.

Brown Signs

We are brown sign travelers. We see a brown sign, turn down that exit and along the way we see other things and so we make a few side trips before arriving to our brown sign destination. Why were we in Effingham? Truthfully I really don't know why. It was there and it had a lot of brown signs. I also googled the places we go so we don't end up in tourist traps. Sometimes we just stumble upon events like the Cheese Festival. Currently we are in Utica because we have some warrenty work to do on the RV but there are a lot of brown signs...... so I don't know how long we will be here. I do know one thing. My doctor is expecting me in October for a physical so I know where I will be at that time. I will guarentee you this, as soon as I am finished being tortured we are heading south to I-10..... if there is no brown signs. I also learned how to put links on my comments and will post links to the places I have been. Thanks for all of the comments.

Thanks

Thanks for sending me the url of Brother Iz singing his famous song and even though it also showed the scattering of his ashes it wasn't depressing. It showed he was loved and admired. Click the arrow button to listen.

Pictures

Photos Removed

Today is September 4

On our last day here in Effingham mom and I decided to go on a hunt. We were going to find all of the sculptures they advertised. We didn't find them all but we can now find our way around Effingham with our eyes closed. I am going to post a few on the photoblog.

Trying to find the sculptures, thinking we found one only to figure out is was a bent up antenae was a lot of fun. We took Surely with us and she enjoyed the outing and hunting.

Tomorrow we are taking off again, heading north.

 Click Here For Camp Lakewood, our temporary home in Effingham

Location:  Effingham Illinois

Steve

I got up this morning and the first item of news was "Steve Died." I just sat there in my bunk somewhat stunned. The world is short one Croc Hunter and a passionate conservationist. His death was by a normally passive animal, a freakish accident - it goes to show when it is time the Lord will call you home.

Rockome

Today we went to Rockome near Arthur and Icola IL. It was such an interesting place. Very hokey but so much fun. The gardens were beautiful, the people were very friendly and helpful. Mom even talked me into a buggy ride. It became very exciting when Ted (the horse) knew he was heading home because he took off. I am so fortunate to see Rockome before the new owners take over. I read their webpage and they will be making "big" changes. I just know the food was inexpensive and tasty, it was folksy and hokey. I hate to see the change that is coming its way. Another tourist trap.

We went into Arthur for its Cheese Festival. Guess what we bought? CHEESE, a small bit of fudge, peanut butter spread, and homemade bread. Now you know what I will be having for supper. Yummy.

Hippie Memorial

For many decades, Bob Moomaw lived and worked in Arcola IL.. He served as a tax assessor and railroad clerk. He didn’t like either job. His joy and duty was painting messages of alert on the side of a building that he owned. According to a Chicago Tribune story from 1993, the messages included: “America you're turning into a nation of minimum-wage hamburger flippers. Rebel. Think for yourself. It works!” And “Oh wretched world, more rank each day, and ruled by lunatics, the heroes have all gone away!” The messages changed several times a week, much like those on the outdoor signs of quirky motels, dry cleaners and churches.

He told the Tribune reporter: “My life has been the opposite of an adventure, it's been one long dental appointment broken up by episodes of nothing happening.” Moomaw lost a leg to cancer in the late 80s and had bypass surgery just before starting the Hippie Memorial in 1992. In April 1998, Moomaw died of a heart attack, bequeathing the memorial to Gus Kelsey, a former Arcola hippie who had moved out of state. Kelsey refurbished it, and the city allowed it to be placed downtown, near the old railroad depot.

The artwork is 62 feet long, with each foot representing one year of Bob Moomaw’s life. The first 26 feet include The Great Depression, World War II and 1950s hypocrisy. "The idea is that as my life passed through time, other people's junk stuck to me and made me what I am - the product of leftovers from a previous existence," Moomaw said.

The middle section is higher and more colorful, representing the Kennedy years and the coming of the hippies. It salutes their influence on freedom of expression and dissent. One of the metal pieces during this period is a personalized license plate reading "WOODSTC." Other scraps are brightly painted with many of the classic peace symbols, including the Vulcan double-fingered greeting from Star Trek. This colorful period runs some twenty feet, from 1960-1980, and presumably also includes Nixon, Viet Nam, Stagflation, the bear market of '74-75, and avocado green station wagons.

Small mindedness returned in 1980 with the election of Illinois native Ronald Reagan, and the last 18 feet are embedded with plain rusted scrap.
The work was dedicated at the first (and apparently only) Hippie Memorial Festival in June 1999.

Sharon Moomaw, Bob’s wife, described the work in her dedication speech. It is reprinted on a large sign next to the memorial. This is good, because without it, a new visitor has no idea what is going on.

The speech also makes it clear that he was a pot-stirrer, not a pot-smoker. (Well, maybe he was that, too, but you know what we mean) "Was Bob Moomaw a hippie? NO. He did have a beard and a ponytail while attending the university. He was THERE at the same TIME and PLACE as the hippies were, but he was raising his children then…to his shame, he was no hippie." Taken from Roadside America.

I would of like to have met this man and listen to him. The Memorial was everything I was hoping it to be. I love the message.